World of Little Charlie

Hello agenn.  So tha other day I waz sitting watching tellyvision and doing a bit of coloring in with a crayon and this commershal  (that meens ‘advert’ for my forinn reedurs) came on and it made me realise sumthing so exciting I wobbled over tha lines of my coloring in – I NEVER WAER PANTS!!!

(I meen, I’m a dog – why wood I?)

“Hey Charlotte”  I sed “I’ve got no pants on!”

But she waz not as excited as me and just sed

“Little. While that may be true it’s not the sort of thing we like to go round telling people now is it?”

Eksept she’s rong abowt that becaws telling people I don’t waer any pants is exactly wot I do want to do.

Even bettur than telling peepol that I don’t waer pants is pointing owt that Big Charlie doesn’t waer pants either.  Seriously its hilariows yu shud try it. Me and Big were at tha soopermarkit and he’s standing there going on and on abowt organik sumthing or other and I waaited until there were a whole bunch of peepol arownd and then I showted

“BIG! YU FORGOT TU WAER ENNY PANTS!!!”

And ov course evvrybuddy turned rownd and looked at Big tu see if he did hav enny pants on or not and he was all

“Well, really Little!”

And I got in total trubble for it but it was totally wurth it.

Hop and Go

If yu have evver redd my blog before yu mite kno how mutch I lov Hop & Go bars whitch com from Quebec and are made by a company called Saputo. They are delishus.

Well I noticed wenn I waz doing important and complicated computer work that a lot of peepol com to my blog looking for pikchurs of delishus Hop and Go bars so I thought I wood du a public serviss and start a fanclub on Facebook for evvrywun who lovs delishus Hop & Go bars as mutch as I du.

Rite now I am tha only membur but maybe Charlotte will join as she can eat her own wait in snaks hahaha.

Join my Saputo Hop & Go Fanclub here.

Maybe Saputo will start sellling delishus Hop & Go in tha United States becaws it is a long way tu walk tu Canananada!!!!

A Short Note From Charlotte.

Dear Readers of Little Charlie’s “Blog”,

Despite the appalling things that Little has said about me in this web-journal (I most certainly cannot eat my own weight in snacks; nor have I even tried!) I do like to encourage his creativity and  literacy skills, which as you can see are sorely lacking. Just in case you have come across this site in search of information on his beloved Hop&Go bars (which I must admit are quite tasty) but cannot read his illegible ramblings, you can follow the link to become a member of his Hop&Go Facebook Fan Club.

Charlotte, Scholar and Feminist

Une note de Charlotte:

Chers lecteurs (et mes chères lectrices, bien entendu!) de “Blog de Little Charlie”,

Malgré les choses épouvantables que Little Charlie a dit de moi dans ce web-journal (très certainement je ne peux pas manger ma propre poids dans les collations, et je n’ai pas encore essayé!) Je ne tiens à encourager sa créativité et les compétences d’alphabétisation, qui, comme vous pouvez le voir font cruellement défaut. Juste au cas où vous avez rencontré ce site à la recherche d’informations sur sa bien-aimée Hop & Go bars (dont je dois avouer sont assez savoureuses), mais ne peut pas lire ses divagations illisible, vous pouvez suivre le lien pour devenir membre de sa Hop & Go Facebook Fan Club.

Charlotte, Universitaire et Féministe

Iqaluit, cappital ov wunderful Nunavut. The boring thing waz heer.

Ok so I du not undderstand enny ov this becaws it is boring news stuff but there is a reeely important meeting thing (I think that is tha offishul term for it) going on in NUNAVUT rite now. As yu kno, Nunavut is wun ov my favrit places in tha hole wurld!

Big Charlie can be kwite boring so I asked him wot it waz all abowt. Unfortunatlee I did not undderstand ennything he sed. It waz all

“Well Little I’m so glad you asked me about this … blah blah blah … finance ministers … G7 group of nations … blah blah blah … summit … economic strategies … “

And I did not get enny of it so I sed

“Look Big its simpil. If I am in this G7 club thing wood I get tu go to Nunavut?”

And he sed.

“Well, technically yes; but of course …”

And I sed well how du I join and he sed yu hav tu be able tu count withowt using paws and I sed well nevver mind then I will find anuther way to go to Nunavut.

Who knew counting cood be so useful?

I want wun ov these.

So I waz lying in bedd tha other day feeeling pritty warm and snugli  (in a verry manly way ov course) and thinking abowt brekfasst and how mutch I lov it wenn tha door opened and Charlotte came in. Well I figgered she waz just going tu say “Little isn’t it about time you tidied this pig-sty of a room up?” or “Little have you any idea how many women in the world are still being oppressed?” or sumthing else like that (wye are femininists so into tidying up?) but for once she didn’t say ennything like that she sed

“Little dear, why don’t you take a look out the window…”

And I was like

“To be honesst Char I’m feeling pritty warm and snugli (in a manly way). Can’t yu just look owt tha window for me?”

I meen she’s usually totallee intu other peepol’s bizness. But she waz like

“Little get out of bed.”

So I did becaws sumtimes yu just don’t want Charlotte tu tell yu tu du sumthing more than once. Thats just a free peece of advice from me tu yu.

I got upp and looked owt tha windo and it waz like tha besst thing ever!!

A SNOW PLOW!!  COMING DOWN THA STREET!!

Ok maybe yu are thinking well big deel Litil a snow plow (wye du they not ryme?) wots so eksiting abowt that but let me tell yu it is verry eksiting becaws I totallee lov snow plows. I meen can yu think ov ennything bettur than driving thru snow in a big truk with a pointy thing on tha end? If yu can think ov sumthing bettur maybe yu a thinking a bit tooo hard by tha way.

If I had a snow plow (still not ryming!) I wood drive evvrywhere in it like tu tha shops and evvrything. Charlotte says “I’m sure you would, dear” like she does nott beleev me but I wood.

There are a lott ov snowplows in Canananada (like a million or sumthing probly) whitch is another reezon wye Canananda is grayt.

My Newz making tweet!

Du yu du this Twittur thing? I du becaws I am coool and wired intu wot iz happening on tha wurld wibe web ov tha informashun sooper hiway or wotever it iz called.  Mostly it seemz jusst to be peepol saying dum stuff like  “I am havving a snak”  and “I am tweeting from tha bathroom” (yuk!) and basikally just a whole heep of stuff no-wun reeely cares abowt, rite?  I use it tu keep up tu date with wot is happening in important places like Canananada and also slightly less important places whitch are still grayt  like Connecticut.  I get all my CT (that is tha short way of riting Connecticut and I am verrry graytful for it) newz from WTNH Newz Channel 8 and I lov them. They tell me wot iz going on and I think ov them as my frendz even if I du not kno them. Sumtimes I think I wood like tu be on tha WTNH newz telling peepol stuff but then I remember that I am plannning on being a Cananadian Xylophone Star and I dont kno if I hav time for both, proberbly not thats wot Charlotte says ennyway.

So tuday I am reeding my Twittur page and havving a snak (but I am not telling peepol abowt it on Twittur becaws I am not that boring) and I see a tweet from my frendz at WTNH abowt sum boring  thing tu du with Blak and Dekkur and I’m like hey thats tha peepol who made Big’s new Lawn Mower (whitch iz a whole blog post in itself, and proberbly sum therapee too) and they’re saying sumbuddy bought that whole cumpany for like four and a haff million dollers and I’m thinking gosh thats a bit cheep I meen Big’s lawnmower waz like $180 or sumthing wye didn’t he jusst bye tha whole cumpany?   So I’m thinking abowt this and I realize they must hav made a mistayk whitch is ok becaws I make mistayks all tha time and so does Charlotte altho she sez she doesn’t but she does.   So I send them a tweeet and I’m like hey WTNH I think yor wrong abowt that and so they fixed it whitch meenz that I ROTE THA NEWZ ON WTNH!!!  I am like a speshul reportur or sumthing!!!

Yu wood think they wood say “Hey thanks Litil for stopping us loooking like totul idiots” but they did not whictch waz not verry profeshonal of them I think.

Professor Big Charlie, Orange Expert

Dear Everyone,

This is your good companion and fellow orange-lover Big Charlie (PhD) speaking to you today.  Charlotte and Little are at the Farmer’s Market, which gives me ample time to “borrow” Little’s web-journal in order to communicate some truly exciting news with you all. Actually, having glanced over the smallest, scruffiest Charlie’s horrifically spelled and rather too colloquial attempt at communication from a few days ago, I see that he has in fact already told you my news. Such an unsanitary spoilsport! However, I am sure you will do me the great honor of pretending not to know for a few minutes, so that I might break the happy news in a more grammatically correct manner.

In addition, I was slightly annoyed that Little should see fit to include in his journal recently the frankly rather embarrassing episode of my being trapped upside down in a toilet, and I would like to take steps to repair my tarnished image. There was really no need for Little to go into quite so much detail about something that must surely happen to thousands if not tens of thousands of people around the world every day.  In fact you may have extricated yourself from a lavatory’s porcelain clutches only this morning!  If so, do not be concerned that such a mishap may tarnish your future: pour a refreshing and healthy glass of orange-juice and bear with me as I share how a fellow bowl-diver and self-swirler can succeed.

Well, just guess what everyone?  I, your humble servant of citrus,  Big Charlie (PhD), have been appointed to a chair in Citriculture at the prestigious and world-famous Yale University!  Yes, I know – isn’t it remarkable?  I would never have imagined, years ago when I was not much more than a pup at graduate school, that one day I would be called on to assume such an influential role. Citrus is hugely important in all our lives and despite what Little Charlie might claim it is a fascinating topic and NOT just “sumthing that only borring peepol are intoo.”

Charlotte, Little Charlie and myself will be leaving for Connecticut soon. Charlotte intends to continue writing, campaigning and generally being vocal on behalf of women’s issues from her new East Coast base, while Little will no doubt continue to do all those things that make him who and what he is.

Little informs me that he has some readers from his beloved Canada. I too enjoy life north of the border, although perhaps not with the same fervor as my small associate. Do not feel yourselves a lesser nation, Canadians,  simply because wondrous citrus does not flourish in your colder climate. It is not your fault, and I am working on a genetically modified tangerine just for you: may sweet citrus one day ripen in abundance from Kamloops to Cambridge Bay!

Your friend,

Big Charlie, Ph.D.

Yum.

Hello evvrywun I jusst had to com on and blogg abowt an excityng peece of news I hurd tuday: Tim Hortons haz opennned in New York Sitty!  Iz that not tha best thing yu hav hurd all day? Well maybe iff yu dont like donuts then yu mite not care but iff that iz tha case then wot tha hek iz rong with yu? I meen seriusly donuts are like tha perfekt foood altho Big says that iz not tru as they du not contayn enuff vittamin C unlike oranges but I say well wot abowt orange flaver donuts? I bet Big Charlie nevver thoght of that.

Wayt a minnit I jusst relised maybe yu dont kno wot Tim Hortons iz. Wel dont wurry I will tell yu.  It is a verry important CANANANADIAN chayn ov coffy and donut shopz.  As yu kno I lov Canananda verry mutch and I lyke tu think ov myself as sortov a Cananadian even tho I hav only been there threee times.  Ennyway I thynk it iz incrediblee exciting for peepol in New York  becaws now they can go and gett reeel Canananadian donuts wenevver they lyke and they can pretend they are in Canananada and not New York whitch mite be a pritty grayt sitty but lets all be honest with each other heer it isn’t eksactly Montreal or even Winnipeg I meen iz it?

I am espeshully excited becaws sooon I am mooving tu Konettykut whitch iz a state verry neer tu NYC (Big has becum Professer ov Citriculture at Yale no reely he haz!) and so I will be getting on tha trayn all tha tyme and going tu New York for donuts az long az Charlotte alllows me but she proberly will becaws let me tell yu no-wun can demollysh haff a duzzen Tim Horton donuts like Charlotte no matter wot she sayz!

Flag of Nunavut

Hooray!! Itz Nunavut Day!!! Wun of my favrit days ov tha yeer!!! But why am I tellling yu this ennyway becaws of corss yu alreddy kno itz Nunavut Day rite? I meen evvrywun knos abowt Nunavut dont they?  I meen if yu lov Cananada as mutch as I du (whitch is a hole lot)then yu alreddy kno that Nunavut is Canada’s mosst recent terrytory and it waz fownded (doz that meen sumwun losted it befor?) in 1999. But nott on thiss day. Tuday markz tha annyversary (that jusst meens “burthday for things that arent peepol or dogs”)  ov tha day “Nunavut commemorates the 1993 anniversary of Nunavut Land Claims Agreement receiving Royal Assent.” Tu be honnest I dont kno wot that meenz I jusst coppyed it from tha CBC whitch iz tha tellyvision for Cananada. I think it meens “this iz a good day for a partee becaws tha peepol whoo liv in Nunavut got it bak”. Or sumthing.  By tha way heer iz a map in case yu are still confoosed. (Dont be embarrrasssed abowt it I meen I’m confoosed a lot as Big or Charlotte will tell yu and I’m verry coool and verry cute…)

Map of Nunavut

Du not ackchally use this map if yu are travellling arownd in Nunavut becaws Nunavut iz pretty big and yu willl probablee get losst.  Tha funnee writting (wel itz not reely funnee I jusst cant reed it) iz Inuktitut, whitch iz wot they speek there.  I wish I had my own langwidge! Big sez I du becaws my spelling iz so badd but he iz jellus becaws his spellling iz borring and jusst like evvrybuddy else’s.

So tuday I hav been trying tu sellabrayt Nunavut Day by turning our howse in Los Angeles intu a replika ov Nunavut. I thought it wood be kwite eezy az I’m verry kreativ butt it iz harder than yu wood think.  I got a lot ov ice kubes and put them on tha kitchin flooor tu rezemble tha Arktik but they melted and mayd tha kitchin flooor wet and  Charlotte slippped and fell over and I sed

“Itz not my fawlt Charlotte itz Globbal Warmming!”

But she waz angry ennyway. I dont think she undurstands abowt my lov for Nunavut.

Happi Nunavut Day!!!!!!!!!!

not the actual toilet

So I was jusst walking passt tha bathrooom this morning minding my own bizniss  (that doesn’t leev mutch owt – most thingz are my bizniss I think) wenn I hurd a weerd noise. Well, tha weerd thing waz that it wazn’t a weerd noise it waz just Big Charlie but wot made it weerd waz that it sownded like it waz coming from inside tha toylet.  So I loooked in tha bathrooom and stikking owt ov tha toylet I coood see a pink tail and twoo feet – Big’s feeet. And I cood stilll heer Big talking he waz saying stuff like

“Oh dear. I think perhaps I could use a little assistance here….”

and

“Little? Little is that you? I’m afraid I appear to be, ah, trapped in the lavatory. And I do mean ‘in’…”

Now if I waz stuk down tha toylet I woodnt be saying all this polite stuf I’d be yellling get me owt rite now or theres gonna be trubble but that’s the differens between me and Big isn’t it?

Wow – Big reely waz stuk down tha toylet! Well that doesnt happen evry day and I didn’t want tu miss a minnit so I ran in and climed up tha stepladder (I think yu can probly wurk owt wot that is for) so I cood get a bettur view.

“Hey it loooks like sumwun forgot tu flush!”

I sed.  And then becaws it waz jusst too good an opportunitee tu miss I sed

“Wow Big yu’ve gott to be a reel nurd to give yorself a swirly…”

Yes I kno that waz meen and I’m sortov sorry but com on yu hav tu admit it waz funny.  Big sed

“Yes Little I realise you’re finding this all incredibly amusing but I’d be extremely grateful if you stopped mining my predicament for vaudevillian humor and assisted me.”

Well I didn’t undurstand wot enny ov that ment so I sed

“Look Big I gotta ask – how com yor upside down in tha toylet?”

And he sed

“Charlotte.”

And I waz like

“Hayt tu tell yu this Big but Charlotte’s not down tha toylet she’s with tha femininists. I thought yu knew.”

For sum weerd reeson that seemed tu annoy him a bit and he sownded kindov grumpy wenn he sed

“Little. Do I have to remind you (well it seems in fact I do) that Charlotte  is coming home tomorrow? And that on her return Charlotte expects things to be clean?  Quite strongly expects, if you recall…”

Big did hav a poynt. Even iff he waz upside-down in a toylet.  Wenn Charlotte’s away me and Big don’t wurry mutch abowt tidying up and cleening and stuff becaws we’re far tooo bizzy doing important thingz. But that meenz tha day befor she getz bak we hav tu cleen like mad or else she yellz at uss.  Charlotte reelly doz need tu chill owt a bit I meen its only durt rite?

“Oooh yor rite!” I sed. And Big sed

“Therefore, I was endeavoring to render the lavatory germ-free with this toothbrush when I somehow managed to slip and, well, you can see what the result was.”

“Yeah. Yu fell in.”

“Yes. I’m afraid I did. And the rubber gloves aren’t helping.”

I looked into tha toylet-bole and cood jusst abowt see that Big had sum yello rubber gluvs on (aka Marrygolds, for my Brittish reedurs) but they were gluvs for peepol not for dogs so they didn’t fitt rite and Big was flopping arownd in tha bole like sum kind of drunk codfish. He waz saying

“How can I possibly get out of this terrible situation…?”

And other stuff like thatt so I sed

“Dont wurry yu wont feeel a thing or wel iff yu du it probly wont last long.”

And I grabbed hold ov Big’s legs (tha bak wuns – tha wuns withowt rubber gluvs on) and jumped offf tha stepladdur. Big floo owt ov tha toylet, did a summersolt and landed in tha bathtub.  He waz a bit dazed (not mutch mor than he normaly is tho) and verry happy tu be owt ov tha toylet as yu mite expect. He sed

“My word, Little. That was tremendously clever! I could hug you, I really could!”

But I waz like

“Eeew. Don’t com neer me, toylet-head!”

Charlotte is bak tumorrow. Yay!!!

Hop and Go

This is a pritty short post asking a verry simpil questiun: whoo ate tha lasst “Hop and Go“?  Siriously – I need tu kno. Well ok yu mite be saying wye duz it mattur whoo ate tha last delishus Hop and Go bar Litil wye dont yu just go tu tha store and bye sum more. Iff yu did say that itt wood be verry crool becaws YU CANNOT GET HOP AND GO IN AMERICA!!!!!  They com from Quebec and are tha most delishus and wunderful thing in tha wurld that iz not ackchually a donut.  We got a box wenn we were in Montreal resentlee jusst becaws they had a funnee name and let’s be honesst they mite be delishus (they are delishus) but wot kind of  a naym is “Hop and Go”?  A weerd wun, that’s wot kind. But nevvur mind becaws they are delishus! Maybe I sed that alreddy.

Ennyway – I like them and Big Charlie likes them and it pritty much goes withowt saying that Charlotte likes them becaws let’s fayss it she likes ennything snak-shaped, and so it did not tayk long befor there was only WUN left!! I kno – terribil!! And as yu kno Charlotte is away at tha moment and me and Big hav tu eat Big’s cooking whitch iz basically grosss I meen no offens Big but it iz.  So, snaks are espeshilly important at a tyme like thiss. Az I am tha smalllest Charlie (and tha cutest) I felt that it was important and vitall for me tu get a lott of nurishment during tha difficult period in tha absenns of Charlotte (and reel foood) so I figgured I shood be tha wun whoo eats tha lasst “Hop and Go”. Mayks sense, rite? I did not bother tellling Big becaws he waz tu bizzy and ennyway it wood only mayk him feel gilty for being so rubbish at cooking.

I went intu tha kitchin and climed up ontu tha shelf and intu tha “Hop and Go” box and I waz jusst abowt tu say “Well, Bonjoower ‘Hop and Go!’” wenn I saw that THA BOX WAZ EMPTEE!!!!  Sumbuddy had eeten tha last “Hop and Go” in tha entire United States!!!!!

I waz devastayted as yu can imagine. I  fownd Big Charlie and tolled him he’d bettur admit wot he did with tha last Hop and Go but he sez it wazn’t him. Big Charlie is a lot of thingz (smart, weerd, obsessed with oranges) but he iz not a lier so I knew he waz telling tha trooth.  Cood it be Charlotte? Did she tayk tha last Hop and Go in all of America tu sho tu her boring femininists whitch meens they will find owt it is delishus and they will all want Hop and Go too and they will eet them all and  I will nevvur hav anuther!?!?

This iz not good.

I lov yu Hop and Go!!!!